Only Love Can End My Pain
by CMDonovann
Summary: Just some hurt/comfort fluff about Willow/Giles. They're so cute! WARNING: spoilers for "Something Blue" in fourth season. also a ONESHOT Rated T for suicidal stuff. Missing scene at the end of Something Blue? slight AU? dunno...


**Disclaimer: I do not own Willow or Stuffy British Giles or any of the Buffy characters. And I'd like to know why the heck no one writes Willow/Giles? Why is it all Buffy/Giles or Buffy/Willow or... Never mind.**

**Note: This happens immediately after "Something Blue" in the fourth season. I got the idea for Willow/Giles from MagellinaFluffQueen. She also writes Willow/Giles. They're so CUTE together, OMG!**

Willow sat on her bed in her room, crying. Buffy was out on patrol, so she was stuck here alone with her thoughts.

_ It's been a few weeks since Oz left... I still feel terrible... And everyone is mad at me because of that stupid spell I did to have my will done. _Willow sighed, lying down on her pillow and pulling her legs up onto the bed. She didn't even bother to take off her shoes. _What's the point? s_he wondered, wiping her eyes and rolling over to stare up at the plain white ceiling. _Blank,_ Willow thought,_ be like that. Blank. Don't think about it. Maybe that'll make it go away,_ she thought desperately.

_Or maybe..._ Willow's mind went back to a few nights ago, when she'd gotten drunk in an attempt to ease her emotional pain. It had helped a little. But not much. She thought about her razor, in her little pink bag with her toothbrush and toothpaste. _How bad could it be?_ she wondered vaguely.

With a sudden determination, Willow got up off the bed, smoothed her hair, and went to the trunk of her stuff at the foot of her bed. She was just pulling the razor out of the bag when there was a knock on the door.

"Wh-who is it?" Willow called weakly. In her surprise, she dropped the razor on the floor.

"It's me, Willow. Why is the door locked?" Giles' familiar voice came from outside.

"Oh. Sorry." She paced over to the door, unlocked it and pulled it open. "Hi."

Giles looked down at her, a expression of concern on his face, and Willow realized that her eyes must be all red from crying. _Oh, no! And I dropped the razor..._ Her eyes darted to the place where it lay, small and unthreatening, on her rug.

"Willow, are you all right?" Giles asked softly. Willow just nodded mutely. _Please leave,_ she urged him in her mind, _I don't want you to see me like this._ It was no use, though. He knew she was _not_ all right and he did not appear to have any intention of leaving anytime soon. She'd have to make him leave.

"Do you mind if I come in?" Giles asked, being extra-careful not to upset Willow.

"Um, I'm busy right now." Willow said, not meeting his eyes. She knew she'd see disappointment there. _What's the point?_ she wondered again. She closed the door quietly in his surprised face.

The moment Willow closed the door, she began sobbing again. She couldn't help it. Oz was gone, Buffy and Xander were angry with her, and Giles... She would have preffered if he were angry with her, for this was far worse. He was dissapointed, she had let him down, shamed herself again. Why could she never do anything right?

_Why?_ The tears poured openly down her face and she leaned her head against the door. _Please come back, Giles,_ she wished, _I need you right now. Please come back and give me a hug and tell me everything will be all right. Please._

_ …_

Giles paced away, back down the hall to where he'd come in. _Poor Willow,_ he thought sadly, _she's so upset about all this. And there's nothing I can do._ He sighed and shook his head. He hated seeing her like that, so broken, like she'd been torn in half and not put back together properly. _She looked so upset. Maybe even scared. What was she looking at...?_ He remembered the sideways glance she'd cast to the floor, as if afraid Giles might see something she didn't want him to.

_What was it? _he asked himself, trying to remember. Then he realized.

"Oh, God, Willow!" he whispered in shock. She had been going to... "No!" Giles raced back down the hall to her room and opened the no longer locked door.

…

Willow had the razor's blade pressed against the pale skin of her wrist when he burst into the room. "What on earth are you thinking?" Giles demanded, grabbing the razor from her grip.

"I... I just..." Willow stammered. "I don't want to feel like this anymore." she whispered.

"Willow..." Giles' gaze softened and he wrapped his arms around her. She continued crying and for a while, they just stood there like that. Giles stroked Willow's hair and she pressed her face into his chest. _Thank you, _she thought. _Thank you so much... _She whimpered and held him even harder.

Willow finally stopped crying and they broke apart. She looked up at him and managed to choke out, "I'm sorry." She stared down at her feet, ashamed. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's all right, Willow. I understand." Giles said. "Please don't ever scare me like that again." Willow glanced back up at him and nodded weakly. "It's not worth it, killing yourself. You have a life to live, Willow. I don't mean to upset you, but you have to learn to deal with the pain. And if... if you ever need to talk... I'm here."

Willow nodded and forced a small smile. "Thanks." Suddenly exausted, she sat down on her bed. _Crying does that,_ she thought. Giles closed the door and sat down next to her. Willow leaned against him and wiped her eyes, still crying a little. "Is... is this how you felt... when Ms. Calendar died?" she asked.

Giles seemed slightly taken aback by the question, but he nodded. "Yes. I thought about suicide. But... Do you know why I didn't try?" Willow shook her head. "Because of you. And Buffy and Xander. I hated to think what a state it would leave you three in if I died." Giles took a deep breath. "I love you too much."

This time Willow really smiled. She hugged Giles again. "I love you, too." _More than you can imagine._ Willow had had a 'crush' on Giles ever since she'd met him four years ago. She'd thought about him all the time for a while... but then Oz... But now he was gone, maybe forever, and Giles was here... All the thoughts and emotions and dreams came rushing back and she realized she really _did _love him. She always had. _If only he could love me as much... _she wished.

…

"I love you too much." It was true. Giles loved her, but not in the way he loved Buffy and Xander and- he grudgingly admitted- Anya. They were the Scoobies, his little team. Willow... Willow was different. She helped him whenever he needed it, cared about him, would sacrifice herself to save him or any of the others. He loved her to the end of the world, or how close they had been to it. So many times he'd wanted to tell her, but something always got in the way. He was much older than her, and had once been her teacher. Yes, he'd loved Jenny Calendar, but when she died Willow was there to see him through. Now he had a chance to tell her all this, to be there for her, but he didn't know how. He was frozen. He had no idea how to say it.

"Willow...?"

…

Willow looked up into his eyes; his kind, dark eyes. She let his voice wash over her as he said her name. She felt SO much better...

Just then Giles kissed her. She was so surprised she didn't respond for a moment, but then she realized she was not dreaming and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissed him back, caring about nothing else in the world. She forgot about Oz and the backfired spell and _everything_. She pulled him closer and lost herself in his arms, never wanting the moment to end. But unfortunately she had to breathe soon, and they pulled apart. She was almost gasping for breath; she felt dizzy and tingly all over. "Wow." she managed, trying to regain her focus. Giles nodded. "I... I didn't realize that you..." She trailed off, having no idea how to express how entirely relieved and happy she felt.

"I love you."


End file.
